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He could not just let go of Alex unless he really found out about the cheating.And Carter could not just tell him, without proof. And even with proof, he was afraid that Aron was just going to think wrong of him and not believe a word. After something like that, the guy was just going to trust his husband blindly.“I’m getting used to your silence again. I assume this is a good sign,” Aron joked, waking him up from his reverie.“Ah, sorry, just ... Let’s just meet, I can barely wait to really catch up this time,” Carter came back to his senses.Just seeing Aron was going to be good. And he had to think of a way to prove Alex’s cheating, and free Aron from that poisonous marriage. It wasn’t going to be easy. Especially with Alex all aware of what Carter knew.He could not just believe his eyes. Preferring to get busy with the glass, he tried to focus on some joke Aron was saying. Why on earth was Alex there, too?Apparently, Aron was really bent on making all three of them friends, and it. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to be a dominant. I wanted control. But that.
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