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The blade felt good, so god damn good, so alive. There is hope in the world because she can feel herself, because she is no longer lost, because the pain and the life running out of her anchors her in the here and now. She carefully lays the sharp blade on the edge of the bathtub. She lets the tub water lick her cut. She lets her life blood float out. She lets the water turn her into a pruney plume. We gather our strength when we find ourselves. Chapter 2 ‘Alter cocker’ Breindel talked to himself. He let his saggy bit butt fall into bathtub. The big belly helped sending flood waves across the bathtub. The waves reflected back from the tub wall and fought with each other a battle that would have tossed any sailboat into despair. He let his hands fall into water with a big platsch. To fit into the small tub of the Brooklyn walkup, he had to bent his knees like a butterfly pose in yoga to let them poke out. But, ah, the warm water felt so good. Nude is no clothing. Naked is when we are. I compassionately grasped her in my arms and held her face on my chest. She cried and shook with her face planted deep into my body. “I was stood up!” she muffled and sobbed into my chest as I held her. I said nothing and placed my arm on her back and led her back inside. I turned the light on to see bottles of wine scattered in the room. I immediately felt bad for this woman and sat her down on her couch while I collected her and myself a glass of water. I returned to her company and placed a blanket over her holding her by my side as she cried and spilled her anxieties in my direction. She wept about her failed marriage and how her life was almost over and she had nothing to show for it. I said nothing while she sobbed in anguish of her supposed failures and stroked her hair softly. I was partially happy to be in this predicament, her body was warm against his and he felt good having her so close. She turned to him and hastily exclaimed, “well what do you think? Am I a failure?”.
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