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Right then, I had all the guts in the world. She had found wherever we were about to climb down, but I grabbed her sleeve and pulled her back. She let out a nonchalant giggle when I kissed her – it wasn’t like I was doing something unusual – but when she tried to pull away again I didn’t let go. ‘Vi. At what point am I allowed to tell you that I love you?’ She stared at me in silence. ‘Because I do. I really, really fucking love you.’ The pause stretched even longer. She pulled her sleeve out of my grip and I let her go. I had braced myself for it to be unrequited. It’s not like I had any idea how she could not love me, but there were strange ways her mind worked and I didn’t understand it. She looked close to panicked, as if she would bolt off and start jumping rooves again to escape me. Her eyes made a few darting movements, but it didn’t happen. Instead she focused back on climbing down and didn’t say a word. I don’t know why I wasn’t hurt. Guess I’d braced myself well. I was. For the briefest moment, this familiar darkness overtook him. Some unpleasant thought entered his mind, consuming his happiness for the shortest time.From time to time, my father was prone to dark moods, they passed as quickly as they came, and his happy nature always returned. Realizing his dark spirits often preceded his bouts of infidelity with my stepmother, I determined to chase them away as soon they formed.“Again, my darling, would you like to make love with me?”“I want this more than life. But, with that said, I fear the pain.”“Yes, you will have pain; at least pain usually goes, hand in hand, with the first time. If you want to wait,” this time, I broke in on him.“No, I want this.”Off in the distance, downstairs in my father’s study, the chimes of the grandfather clock rang out the three-quarter-hour. Soon, the full chime would resonate and be followed by three strikes clanging out the third hour of my Eighteenth year.In a hasty manner, my father undressed with swift grace..
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