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Dressed in his white fur trimmed red coat he looked nothing short of a polar bear, and the broad buckled belt almost seemed to have been made to restrain his magnificence from striking a man dead on sight. Never had I seen someone with so much hair, and I kept staring in amazement at the long white manes springing from all around his head.I tried to say something, but I could only squeak. ‘‘What’s the matter, reindeer got ya tongue?’’ he hissed.‘‘You killed miss. Pawlowski!’’Santa, a.k.a. Goldberg, clapped his hands. ‘‘Real observant Sherlock Dipshit. And now I’m gonna kill you.’’He came at me before I got a chance and seized me by the throat. Then he lifted me up as if I were nothing more but a rag doll. I grabbed on to his wrist, but it was no use. His grip was solid as steel. Which immediately answered my question as to how he was going to off me: strangling it was.Tears welled in my eyes as I desperately tried to get loose. He laughed diabolically and squeezed my windpipe. ‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Maclean potato truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘Mr. Drover, how are you feelin’?’... ‘Now yer honor, wot da fock would you say?’“Beer Stories”Three friends are sitting around their favorite pub. The first guy says “Hey guys, I know this other bar where you go in and.
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