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.. incredibly lonely.I am pretty desperate at this point - needing some kind of sexual release. I don't think I could ever cheat on my wife. Having never cheated or been cheated on, it just doesn't feel like an option. Looking for some way to feel better, I join Lush. It becomes my escape from reality and I begin reading and even writing stories about sex.I successfully publish a few stories about some of my fantasies. To be honest, it feels good. When readers comment on my fantasies, they help rebuild my self-esteem. If a reader comments, "Sexy read," I feel sexy inside. One day, I stumble upon a female author whose writings attract my attention. She writes some D/s stuff which has been a growing fantasy of mine. However, it's really her series on a couple's journey to rekindle sex that prompts me to message her. I tell her I enjoy her writing and wish my life flowed like her story as far as rekindling sex within a marriage. I really don't expect a reply and am pleasantly surprised. Are we both just pretending? Pretending that nothing sexual is happening? That this is all just part of a normal father-daughter relationship, part of a normal patient-carer relationship? I should stop this right now, but I must admit that I haven’t felt this much sexual excitement in a long time. And I am well aware that I’m overcome with pain and grief because we lost our loved Debbie, my partner, her mom. I am weakened by this loss. I can’t think clearly. It feels like I’m driving further and further down the wrong path but I’m too weak to turn around.A few more days have passed and Ava’s mood has deteriorated. She’s been cranky for several days now, complaining about pain in her splinted arms and she seems to be in a general low mood, suffering. It pains me so much to see her like this. We’ve tried to sit her or lie her down in different positions but she doesn’t feel any pain relief. I’m at a loss of what to do. Today is the day for Ava’s bed bath. I have removed the bed sheet.
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