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When she had phoned John, she had intended they would have an evening with just him, let Lorraine be fucked by him. But he had told her about his meeting with his “friends.” So here they were. John handed both the girls a drink, and they stood around chatting. Paula looked over to where Lorraine sipped her drink with two of John’s friends, she seemed fine, and was smiling. Well that was a relief. Then one of the guys squeezed Lorraine’s bum, and Paula saw her tense.Lorraine was relaxing. The drink was helping. The two guys talking to her were charming. They were really nice, if a little old. More her Mums age than hers, but then what did she expect. She had been surprised to see anyone other than John, but supposed they would go soon, and they could do it with John, she couldn‘t wait. Then one of the guys squeezed her bum. She felt herself freeze. She wasn’t expecting that. He stroked her bum cheek, moving his hand lower, and then under her short dress, caressing the bare cheek of. Nothing mattered. I felt content; I dreamed vivid poppy-dreams. With Ben's connections and the money ever ready at my disposal, it would be so very easy to get more, to insulate myself forever against real life and the future.Against this, my only defence was a raw nihilistic need for sexual degradation. Not much of a contest. In a life stripped of love, and almost entirely of relationships, the balance of my mind was now teetering on the very edge of complete self-destruction. It got so bad, the call I'd made a call before Margaret, this one to auntie Susan, dialling her number for the first time in three years, hoping against hope that Sarah would pick up the phone first. I wasn't surprised when Susan answered with a withering blast of bile and slammed the phone down. The only thing she told me that wasn't obscene confirmed that Sarah had left home. So why wasn't she trying to find me? Or I her? I couldn't face that one at all. Perhaps I'd ask Margaret where Sarah was, if I dared,.
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