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“My son, I have lived a ling, full life. Take the other parachute and save yourself.”The Boy Scout just smiles. “Don’t worry, Your Holiness. The world’s smartest man just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack!”The following items are compliments of J & B.After the brief Falkland Islands war, a British regiment commander was addressing some troops under his command who had heroically performed above and beyond the call of duty. He informed them that Her Majesty’s Army had committed to reward each of the three soldiers 100 pounds per inch of distance between two different parts of the man’s body.The commander addressed the first soldier, “Where would you like to be measured, Sergeant?”“From the tip of me head to the soles of me feet, Sir!”, he replied.“Very good!”, the commander said, and the sergeant was measured at 6’5”. He was paid the handsome sum of 7000 pounds.The second soldier was asked, “What about you, Corporal?”“Between the tips of the fingers of me outstretched arms,. “So?” Elizabeth asked, poking Ramsey in the ribs. “There are other Mrs. Smiths?”“No, dear. She was obviously referring to the Smith MIBs. Mr. and Ms. Smith. Or Colonel Smythe. Just wait until she finds out the lieutenant’s name,” I said.“I know Smith is the most common surname in America, but I didn’t think this was going to become a family reunion,” Elizabeth sighed. “Mr. Smith, Ms. Smith, Colonel Smythe, Lieutenant Smith, Dr. Smith, and Ramsey Smith? Really?”“Excuse me? Here’s a second cup of coffee. Is Mr. Adams’ wife here, too?”“Yes, she is. There are a couple of other rooms occupied as well. The general and his aide and their hooker are camped out somewhere,” I said pushing myself up enough to take the coffee. Mattie’s eyes popped open wide and she ran from the bedroom again. “I wonder what she’s doing here? I thought everyone in Washington was on vacation this week.”“Ramsey? I want a baby,” Elizabeth whined.“Do you think I’m going to agree to you mating with Jack?” I huffed.“No,.
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