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On Sarah's twenty-first birthday mom asked her when she was going to settle down, get married and start having kids. Sarah said, in front of all the guests at her birthday party, "I'm not. I'm gay and my significant other and I have no plans to adopt." What that did of course was push all of my mothers attention off onto me.Donny and I had been married seven years when I finally decided that the time was right to have children. I talked it over with Donny and he seemed reluctant, but he said, "Okay, if that's what you want." The gods must have decided to make me pay for all the lies I told my mother because a year and a half went by without my getting pregnant. I even did all the things that my mother had suggested back when I was faking it and nothing happened. I went in and had myself tested and was told that I should have no trouble conceiving and bearing a child. I asked Donny to get tested and a week later he told me that he had been tested and that he had a high sperm count."It. I ached. Not my body, but my soul. I closed my eyes againstthe image of my father, forty-three years old, as handsome as ever, stilled by death. I again cursed Death. My mom started about messing with his hair. There wasn’t much we could cut because of the insicion on his head from the autopsy, but we artfully arranged his hair to make sure it wasn’t seen. I stood above him, thinking of my little sister, hurting for her as much as for myself, and cried some more. I thought about how we’d always joked that our dad couldn’t claim we weren’t his even if we wanted to. My sister looks like him, but she’s got more of her mom in her. I on the other hand, look just like him. He’d joked several years ago when I brought my prom pictures over that I looked like him in drag. And I did. I cried some more. And the deed was done, and I had to get out of there. I cried again. I felt cleansed. ‘Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death.
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