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I'd neverbe a super model. I tried to judge myself on my old scale. If I wasn'tlooking at myself and just some woman, what would my rating be? It tooka few seconds to come up with pretty. Not beautiful, but pretty. Formost this was the moment it stuck home. I detached myself from such arevelation by turning it into a simple analysis. The next item on the agenda of my body proved to be the partsthat men noticed. My eyes still held their dark color; my chocolateeyes still having their distinction of being dark enough to confuseeveryone of where the actual brown started and the black ended. Icupped my breasts in my hands; trying to decide what size I'd reached.I proved to be a poor judge as I learned later when I had to wear brasthat I was a 34 B, not the slightly larger size I decided on. My skinwas the same dark color I'd inherited from my Hispanic family; mynipples a dark brown to enunciate my tan skin. My hair curled around myhead and I could show I was naturally curly from the. ...... I wanna call it despair? I mean it'a not that bad, but i can't really think of anything else to call it so let's just call it despair. That creeping feeling of despair come over me again.I have been doing this for years now, get home, eat some shitty dinner, watch some shitty shows, go to sleep, wake up and jerk off, eat a shitty breakfeast, repeat. And then soon enough i would get a apartment, met a slightly above average girl, marry her, pump out two to three brats, buy a house, and then die.And i didn't want to do that, i want my life to be fun, and special, not just boring, and normal. But whatever, it doesn't matter i shouldn't even be down in the dumps about this. There are people that are fighting tooth and nail just to get by, and here i am bitching about my life not being special enough. I go upstairs to go to sleep, it was a bit early for that but it doesn't matter. I just want to get this day over with.I close my eyes, and get ready for sleep. But sadly something was.
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