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Nothing but love can put a person in a place like this and nothing but love can ever make them want to get out of that place. Love is another synonym for masochism and the only difference between the two is in the spelling. Nothing can make you seek out more pain, or endure more shit. The less bitter half of me says that nothing else is really worth it, either. Worth it or not, it does not hurt any less. Love, in the small amounts I allowed myself, was pain. The antithesis of your classical drugs, love in anything but a killing dose is a somewhat ridiculous exercise in futility. With love, the more you inject, the easier it is to keep on living. I sat on the low concrete step of my front porch, my beer between my feet, still wearing my work uniform, a pair of khaki pants and a black polo with ‘Ranch Bowl Entertainment Center’ embroidered tastefully over the left breast. Why anyone who works in a bowling alley should dress like a yuppie is beyond me. Maybe it’s a subtle joke. I do not. Hot summer days spent playing in the ocean’s water. I wore a two-piece for the first time, at Terry’s insistence. That entire day he could not keep his hands off me. For lunch we usually walked to a little restaurant near the public pier to get something to eat. We sat outside, the sun drying our bodies, drinking water and enjoying all the beautiful scenery. Kite flying is big there. The shapes and sizes ran the gamut. Box kites, cartoon kites and that particular day we saw one shaped like two people kissing. We laughed and joked about who wanted that kite, the guy or the girl. I argued guy, because guys are always hoping kissing leads to more and he argued the girl, because girls love to be kissed. I let him win that argument. The loser got a kiss after all. That night we opened the doors facing the beach and let the salt air breeze into the room. I stood over the railing watching lights sparkle on the water. Terry had turned on some music so it seemed I was alone in the universe..
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