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" which made him sound like a second rate intergalactic Yakov Smirnoff.I was so used to Phil's 'in Space' shtick. "Jane, in Space we would punish you severely for your bad behavior," he would nag."How?" I would always ask. "How would you punish me." He just laughed and told me he hoped I would never find out.Fuck, I thought. Before they came here I had always imagined Space would be rad. Guess it's just as shitty as Earth."Where is it you're from again, Phil?" I asked, full well knowing the answer. Trying to get under Phil's carapace."Just a little place called Dimension X," he said with a snort. "Maybe we can go there when things calm down. Right now there's a Star War raging, but you know that already," he said. He shrugged. "That's why we came here."Phil and his daughter weren't the only new arrivals. Lots of Aliens from all over different planets had suddenly landed here. It was weird at first but after the cheeseball We come in Peace speeches they gave and the intergalactic. I was one of them, and if I wanted to see a naked girl, all Ihad to do was undress."Tell me I'm wrong Susan. Look me in the eye and tell me you hate being agirl more than anything else." When I said nothing... "that's alright honey,I'm a girl and I turned out alright!" Tears formed in my eyes as I tried tosay it, to tell her that she was wrong, that I hated being a girl, but Icouldn't. "Susan, why don't we have a girls day out? Just you and I? We'llshop, spend lots of your dad's money, have a nice lunch, and stop by thesalon for a makeover? Then we'll make him take us out to a very nicerestaurant for dinner? How about that?" Dad won't get mad at me will he? I mean, I'm not..." What you are is a beautiful, well mannered young lady, and men always dowhat pretty girls want, if you play them right!" Play them?" You know, hug them, kiss them, tell them that you love them, smell extranice, and smile. It always works, trust me. You should try it. Practice onyour father!"Mom and I went to.
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