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’ The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’ The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’ The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’ The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that ... You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’ The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’Lemon Squeeze There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’ The priest said, ‘Confess your sins and be forgiven.’ The young woman said, ‘Last night my boyfriend made passionate love to me seven times.’ The priest. They didn’t notice when I stopped my car and quietly walked up behind them. As I drew closer I could hear them cursing and calling her vile names. There were several boys holding her against the wall. They were crudely and roughly feeling her up. Their girlfriends were standing in a semicircle around them and were urging the boys on.I immediately saw red. My anger was more than I could handle. How dare they do this to my friend?Sally was bawling her eyes out. She sobbed, “Why? Why are you doing this to me? I’ve never done anything to you. I’ve only offered to help you.”The biggest boy was holding her against the wall by her throat. He spit in her face and yelled at her. “You’re always making us look stupid. You act like your so smart. You’re ugly too.”One of the girlfriends groaned as she saw me. “Oh shit!”The boy who had Sally by the throat and had been cursing her turned just in time to catch a straight right to his nose. It immediately began spewing.
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