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An old homeless guy who was wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?” She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!” He shrugged and turned away saying, “Okay then, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”A large fat, big mouthed American is on a bus tour of Sydney and has been bragging on about how everything is bigger and better in the good ol’ US of A and how everything is small in Australia. As they meander around Randwick, he points his podgy finger at a small building attached to The Prince of Wales hospital and says to the tour guide “See that hospital building over there? Why if that was in the States it would be a hundred times bigger”. The tour guide says “I’m not surprised mate. That’s the obesity wing”.It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening. I took a few to make sure that I got them all smiling and with their eyes open.Then I took individual pictures of them up on the brightly-lit stage with the mirrors behind them. I carefully kept myself out of the mirrors. When the future mother-in-law got up there her dress became transparent but no one said anything as I turned her and took extra pictures. Her figure was quite clear, I could see between her legs and everything. She really needed a slip but who was I to complain?The girls started to use the bathroom. The cameras started recording when the lights came on and those lights were bright. I was hoping that the camera I hid in the toilet paper dispenser directly in front of them worked as well as I hoped that it would.By four o’clock they were singing, slurring their speech, and getting quite drunk. That was when I brought out the Karaoke equipment. The challenge was to sing ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb’ without missing a single word. The words were on the teleprompter so it.
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