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Surely you know a man has to be turned on to jerk off?”“Well look at the picture,” she said.“Val” I said, “That picture must be at least 20 years old and it is faded. I tell you what, you get your tits out and we will see what we can do”Ha-ha I thought, that would teach her. No way would she agree and this would teach her a lesson with for threatening to tell tales to my wife.“OK” she said, “But come into the lounge”This surprised me and it wasn’t what I had expected her to say.“Are you sure?” I asked.“Oh yes” she said, “but only topless. I am not showing you anything else” And with that she turned and walked into her lounge and sat in an armchair facing me and begun to undo her blouse.“Put that newspaper on the floor will you?” she asked.“Why?” I replied.“So you don’t make a mess on the carpet” she said.What !!! Cheeky bloody cow….“Bollocks to that” I said. I was getting a bit cross now. “Just get ready”She frowned but slipped off her blouse and undid the catch to her bra and sat. Did he give you a reason?”“Said he wasn’t ready for commitment.”“That’s a bullshit excuse.”A corner of my mouth quirked up. “I know. So what do I do about it? Obviously at this point I have to face it’s me.”Penelope brought up her legs and sat on her feet. She was so unorthodox; I liked it. “Why do you say that?”“Why wouldn’t I say that? If you knew my full track record, you’d understand.”“Hmm.” She stood and walked over to her bookcase, yanking out a particularly large volume that was called How to Feng Shui Your Way into Love. I fought an eye-roll. “I want you to take this home with you. Give it a read. You might find that some of these adjustments will help you become more positive, and to see the world around you in a more optimistic way. You need to let go of these negative men and negative energies, or thoughts, and take charge of your life.”“This is your suggestion? You think my chi is bad?”Her smile was mysterious. “Humor me. You just might surprise yourself. And at the very.
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