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Fuck! She had found me! Now what? There was no other way for me to get out. I reluctantly opened the door to my apartment. "Hi, I'm Jessica," she said. "Good to meet you," I remarked. "My bathroom isn't working," she explained. "Is it okay if I use yours instead?" I nodded, and Jessica entered my apartment. She walked into the living room. "Would you... would you like anything to drink?" I suggested. "Sure," she said. "Water should be fine." I walked over to the sink, grabbed a cup, turned the faucet on, and poured water into the cup. I didn't know how I was going to get out of this mess. Right now, all I could do was hope for the best. I walked into the living room with the cup of water. Much to my horror, Jessica was on my couch, and she had turned on my video camera. She showed me the video of her masturbating. "So... this is what you've been up to, huh?" she asked. "Look, I can explain..." "You don't have to," Jessica remarked. "I noticed you looking at my panties. I don't care HOW relaxed you get' it is NEVER OK to fart.8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head- I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just cos YOU can't have sex right now.9. Extension to #8- "Blue balls" might have worked on high school girls- if your that desperate, go wank off.10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.15. When you hear your friends.
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