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”“What did it say?”“Don’t stand up in the car!”An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.One day God called to Satan to mock him, “So, how’s it going down there in Hell?”Satan replied, “Hey, things are great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God was surprised, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here.”“No way,” replied Satan. “I like having an engineer, and I’m keeping him.”God threatened, “Send him back up here now or I’ll sue!”Satan laughed and answered, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”This woman goes in for a facelift and the doctor says: “We’ve got this new method:. Are you okay? Oh my, God. I love you. Did I not do it right?” Carrie shook her head and grunted, “It’s fine - I’m fine. It always hurts like that. Do the next one, we’re almost done.”Derrick held the stick like a child caught with a cookie. “Are you sure? Why do you do this?”Carrie motioned for him to hurry. “I promise, it always hurts. I do it because it beats the constant shaving.” Derrick dipped the applicator in again, “This seems too brutal. Babe, do you do this for me? This sucks, just go full bush woman; I won’t mind.”Carrie rolled her eyes, “I do this for me. Just hurry," she said, and then added, “And who the fuck yells ‘Allons-y’ in this situation?”His face was very serious as he answered. “That’s just what was in my heart, Carrie, don’t censor me.”She rolled her eyes again, “Just do it...and this time, with a little less Dr. Who references.”He slid the second coat of wax over the bristly hairs, “I can’t promise you that. Don’t make me a liar, babe.” Gingerly he added.
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