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Arachnid Man was a wiry, red super-hero who could spin webs and shoot them out of his hands. Jumping on my broomstick-glider, which represents the endless labors of the common man, I sped off to kidnap Racy Gwen, the beautiful red-head who Arachnid-Man desperately loved but was too much of a pussy to hook up with. I walked into Gwen’s apartment. She was in her bathroom, moaning. I decided I could wait a few minutes. But after about half an hour, I decided to go in and kidnap her, which I did. Then I handcuffed her to her bed posts and waited. It was a long wait. I’m a goblin but I enjoy nothing more than taking a dip in a human gene pool. Let’s just say Gwen and I had a little fun together. We were interrupted by a phone call. I let it ring. The message machine came on. The caller said, ‘Hi, it’s Peter Blocker. I’m just calling to make sure you’re okay. You don’t have a boyfriend over, do you? I’d hate to come over… uh, I mean, have Arachnid-Man come over and beat him up. Pick up. He stopped in his tracks to locate the source. About ten yards ahead, he could see a dark shape moving slowly between the bushes searching for something. It was the size of a small dog and all he could make out was the swish of a tail and the sounds of delighted squeals and satisfied grunts. He took a few steps closer. It was a wild juvenile pig, maybe a year old, with a coat of brown bristles, rooting through the thick layer of leaves.His ranger friend often commented about the expanding population of wild pigs in the region ever since they were reintroduced from herds down south. Some of the locals weren’t too happy about it as the feral animals tended to tear up gardens and damage crops.As soon as he came within five yards of the pig, Clark took aim behind the animal’s shoulder and the arrow found its mark. The pig squealed in fear and agony like the proverbial stuck pig. It started to run, but didn’t get far, collapsing and keeling over onto its side.Before he could bat an eye,.
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