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I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered "the local cafe serves breakfast until 11."Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said, "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?" You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."A man is seeking to join the Vancouver Police force. The Sergeant doing the interview says:"Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take. She decided to forgo wearing panties unconcerned if her crotch &/or ass became periodically exposed because of the shortness of the skirt of her dress. The whole effect of her appearance screamed out ‘Just come & fuck me’ Fully prepared Chloe entered the restaurant promptly at 6:30 and said to the hostess ‘Randy Hamilton and friend have a reservation for me to meet them. She was promptly escorted to Randy who introduced Chloe to Cedric. Chloe gasped & momentarily lost her breath as she was stunned by Cedric’s appearance. He was as tall as Randy but slimmer in build. His head was shaved giving a pointy shape which inevitably symbolized phallus. He wore an exquisite earring on his right ear which suggested a swashbuckling buccaneer look. His skin color was a smoky brown that appealed to traditional female desires. He was just the kind of stud that would stir up the hormones of any female to a fever pitch. ‘Oh God,’ thought Chloe, ‘I hope I have enough self control not to drool & jump.
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