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The day-to-day administration of a regiment comes under the remit of the Regimental Adjutant, and the one in situ — Captain Alasdair de Courcey — was, in the words of Oliver Goldsmith, ‘A mouldering mass of rank, unwieldy, woe.’De Courcey was corpulent to the degree of being gargantuan, unable to mount a horse without the use of a crane, and any woman similarly served would expire under the mounds of his flesh. He spent most of his day at the dinner table and his nights at the gaming table. I would have been surprised if this mountain of flesh and fat knew where the Adjutant’s Office was situated, and even if he did his bulk would have denied him entry into the room, and no chair could have borne his weight if he sat down at his desk.I dismissed him as unfit for field service, using the authority of the C-in-C and of Lord Brownlow, who had added his authority to whatever measures I took.All in all, given a newly promoted and green – that is a play on my surname by the way – lieutenant. My mum's really smart and I love her to pieces.About 9 years ago my dad died and left us a lot of money through hislife insurance. I'd only been born a few months when he died in a carcrash. He'd left so much money in fact, that mum stays at home and looksafter the house and makes sure that it's always clean and she cooks allthe meals and washes the clothes and does the ironing and still findstime to make sure I get a good education.I don't know why it is, but my sisters all go to school, yet I have tostay at home and get taught by mum. When I asked mum to let me go to thelocal school, she told me that I was far to good for that and besides,she kept telling me, I was very special so she didn't want others toruin me, by having rough house children around me who might bump andpush me in the playground. Although I don't go to school anymore itdoesn't mean I don't have any friends.But on my 6th birthday party, my so called best friend punched me andstarted calling me names and all sorts.
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