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‘An actor?’ she asked. ‘Four years at the National Institute of Dramatic Arts. Mel Gibson went there, you know,’ I explained. ‘I bet he was never a shopping centre Santa,’ she teased me. ‘All right,’ I replied. ‘Don’t rub it in.’ ‘I take it that it doesn’t pay too well?’ she questioned me. ‘No. But I have another job at nights,’ I told her. ‘I’m a stripper. Tonight’s my night off.’ ‘A stripper? I’d like to see that,’ she laughed. ‘I’ve never been to a male strip show. Do you do the ‘full monty’?’ ‘Of course,’ I replied. Her face went a charming shade of red as she contemplated her next question. ‘When you are stripping…?’ she asked, tentatively. ‘Yes,’ I encouraged her. ‘Do you ever get, you know…stiff?’ she finished, giggling like a school girl. ‘Once or twice when I was doing private shows, it almost happened. Due to the more intimate atmosphere,’ I explained, trying to sound professional. ‘But in a club it’s different. It’s very loud and I have to concentrate on evading the. I live right in the middle of the Shenandoah Valley. Far away enoughfrom the cities of Northern Virginia to be rural, but still close enoughto have easy access to everything. As I moved further and further awayfrom home, I used my horn to claim the land as mine, and to bring backwhat I could. I knew I could never cover the entire area at once so Iwould have to divide it into sections and work on one section at a time.At home again I grabbed every map I could find of the area and tookthem to my room to make a plan. I sketched out what I wanted to do andran downstairs for lunch. All I wanted for lunch was another couple ofbowls of granola. I knew I was now a growing unicorn, but I hoped Iwouldn't lose my taste for other foods. I stopped in the bathroom andscreamed at my reflection.The bump on my forehead now stuck out several inches. I reached up andmade the thing vanish again, but I would have to be more careful in thefuture about checking my appearance.For the rest of the weekend I.
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