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No, nothing would be fading away. She couldn’t push these problems into an old desk drawer and pretend like they didn’t exist. They did exist. And they were very explicitly real. Just minutes earlier, she’d been completely naked, sprawled out on a strange bed, sucking Jeff’s dick. And she’d still be there doing it if it had not been for a serendipitous phone call that he’d received from his girlfriend while she’d been quite literally in the middle of blowing him. She’d even submitted to his twisted request that she keep doing it while he spoke on the phone. And she’d continued until the point that he’d been unable to balance both activities at once. The entire episode had made Rachel feel like a complete whore. She wasn’t proud of it, but she’d been on her knees for a couple guys in her lifetime who had been in relationships at the time. She didn’t like being the ‘other girl’, but she’d still somehow found herself giving in at various points over the years. She certainly didn’t seek. I secretly hoped that we had more in common than just being collegiate soccer players. What do I mean by that? Let’s just say that I’m a brother of a different persuasion when it comes to love and relationships and leave it at that. Okay, fine. I’m bisexual. I feel drawn to both men and women, to different extents. It’s not something I go around telling people. I’m not in denial. I accept myself for who and what I am. It’s hard for me to reconcile my sexual identity with my faith and cultural identity. Being bisexual and a Haitian man who’s also a Roman Catholic don’t seem to go together. That’s why I’m celibate. I don’t need any relationship-related drama to mess up my life. Right now, I focus on playing Soccer and going to school. I thought about sharing my secret with James since he was such a cool guy. But I thought better of it. Many people say they’re not prejudiced and that they’re open-minded but sometimes, they are prejudiced, deep down. I have too much to lose. I still.
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