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Maybe she only exists in my mind. Because the only person I see theses is world-weary and raw. I don’t care for her much. Even now as I write, I beg myself to stop, because if I don’t, I am forced to think of all I am loosing, all the precious time I have already lost. All the pain that I have kept safely harbored inside my heart. I can feel it swelling up inside me now wanting to push past the barriers I have built up, I can’t bare to feel the storms waves crashing over me. Every moment of my days, every breath I breathe is consumed of what I don’t possess. I don’t desire fancy cars, a huge bank account, the perfect home, but then I guess I am no different from the next. I simple want what I do not have. I want love. I want to be cherished. People marry to be together, to have someone to come home to … where ever that home may be, it should be with the other. Nothing else should really matter. I want, to look across a crowded room, into his eyes, and feel a connection. When I look. I know that the best thing to start her up was with a glass of champagne. Normally we seldom get drunk outside our home, but this night I bought another bottle of champagne and we started to talk to people around us. After an hour she asked me if it wasn’t time for a movie?I said, OK honey, it will take us only a minute, and then I laugh. I went to the bartender and said the magical word Let me in, I'm a friend of Doug (that’s an older story and to long to tell you now, but that gives me entrance to to the secret bar behind, or actually its a bar, a room with poker tables and a small stage, wit an even smaller cinema, for 8 persons, and showing X-rated movies 24/7)Well I entered the second bar with my wife, paid out another champagne and then took her by the hand and led her in to the cinema, and she just laugh. She said poor you, is this where you sit at nights. I admitted that I have been sitting here sometimes, but not that often. We shared the champagne and kissed. The scene.
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