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I hate Thanksgiving so much that fucking the brains out of some strange grubby homeless guy just seems right to me. My psychologist says that I have a ‘self-loathing’ issue and that may be so, but I don’t really care what he says. It fills a deep down need in me. I only have sex once a year, on Thanksgiving Day, and always with some d***ken smelly guy who probably won’t even remember who he had sex with by morning. He might not even realize that he had sex at all. But I would know, and I always made sure that they orgasmed and I always rubbed their spunk all over my tits and lick it from my fingers. Self-loathing that may be, but it gets me through the coming 12 months until I pluck up the courage to choose another homeless man for my pleasure. This little scenario has gone on year after year and I knew that it would never change. Then last year I had the surprise of my life. One, I might add, was of my own making. I was 41 then and I had to admit that this little Thanksgiving. It was glowing shining white with gold handles and trim. The lid was open.I hesitated once again. I knew that what I would see would only add to the weight of a reality I did not yet want to accept. I also knew I had to look. Slowly, I stepped up to the casket.I gazed at the dream-like scene before me. The other me, the me that lay in the casket, was dressed as for her wedding. Mom had promised me her bridal gown for my wedding. Instead, she had given it to me for my burial. A white veil covered my face like a fine mist. A large bouquet of calla lilies lay in my arms.As I stared at the casket, I began to focus on the peaceful face, my face, beneath the veil. My field of vision seemed to narrow, as if, without taking a step, I was moving closer and closer to the face within the casket. Suddenly, I was no longer standing before the casket, but lying inside; looking up through the misty veil that covered my face. I felt the cool satin of my wedding dress turned burial gown. I smelled.
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