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The day after I got the final papers, I got seriously smashed.I was sittin' at my usual place at Tribes when Ben came in. He took a seat beside me. "Buy me a drink," he said, "I'll tell you your fortune." That oughta be a worth a beer or two," I said. "Do I get to die? I wanna die."For the next four days in a row, Ben and I met for drinks at the Tribes. I cried a little, complained a little, and sighed a lot. I was divorced, really and truly divorced from the love of my life, but I was not happy about it.It was Saturday, the fifth day, that my life changed.I was startin' in early at the bar. It was just after noon. I was alone. Ben hadn't arrived yet. I think his wife, Susie, was a little miffed at him for bein' late every day for the past several."You Clyde Bristow?" said a complete stranger."Who wants to know," I said. I checked him up and down. He was all business."I'm Mason Kellerman. I'm a lawyer. You're kind a hard to find, Mr. Bristow." Didn't know anybody was lookin'," I. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.‘Where’s my Jiggy? I just can’t wait to talk with him, and see him read something!’‘Dad,’ the young lad says, ‘I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Jiggy was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Cape Breton Post. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead working in the bakery at the grocery store?’’ The father groans and whispers, ‘I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!’‘I sure did, Dad!’‘That’s my boy!’The son goes on to become a successful lawyer and then a Member of Parliament... ✧ ✧ ✧Say thanks to Wyden for this one!Where’s the cheese?Man brings mousetrap invention to patent office. It has a ramp leading up to a block of wood with a piece of cheese in the center of the block. There is a gap between the ramp and the block. It has a naked razor blade mounted.
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