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I walked into the office and a man and an attractive hispanic womangreeted me. The man identified himself as Paul. The woman introducedherself as Maria and she was the one who was going to take me to try ondresses. She poured me a glass of wine first and we sat in the lobbydrinking it while Paul expoused the benefits of working at The ShadyLane, his motel. I sat politely, but had no intention of taking the job.After a second glass of wine, I was feeling very tipsy, and Mariasuggested we go try on dresses.We went into a room that was actually right out in front of the motel bythe parking lot. She closed the door and opened the closet. She told meto pick a dress that I thought would fit. I did and she ushered me intoan extremely well lit bathroom. That first dress was much too big. I'mnot very large and that dress looked like a blanket on me. It was a size18. I walked out of the bathroom back to the closet and picked out a 14.Closing the door, I couldn't even get that one on. Too lazy. I wasn’t sure what girls that did this for a living looked like but damn, I wasn’t expecting what this one looked like. The woman that answered the door must have been the first hooker that came over on the Mayflower. If this broad was under eighty, then I was the Sultan of Brunei. ‘Excuse me ma’am, I wonder if it would be alright to park my truck out here while I got some sleep?’ I asked politely. With a voice that reminded me of Edward G Robinson, ‘Well why don’t you come on in and we’ll talk about it.’ ‘Here it comes,’ I thought to myself, ‘The high pressure sell.’ Well, I ain’t buyin’. This would probably be as good a time as any to explain my aforementioned ‘condition’ to y’all. Back in the early nineties, when I was a couple of years out of high school, I joined the Army. I figured it to be a piece of cake. Three years and I could go to college on someone else’s dime. Little did I know that ol’ General Swartzenhiemer had other plans. One fine morning I was driving my Hum-Vee.
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