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The other woman, the woman I was, the woman inside the estate was much different. But, now what I going to do? It had been hard since George died two years ago, leaving Helen and I on our own. She was wonderful for trying but she had her own submissive tendencies. It was like an addiction or a hunger, a desire, a need to be controlled and directed in the most intimate parts of my life. Without that source of control from someone, it was like a withdrawal, something missing that I felt I must have. Needless to say, it had been unsatisfying since then. I resolved finally that age presented a need for change, perhaps. All good things must come to an end? That I needed to evolve? It was like an introvert trying to be a great salesman. The technical aspects of the job might not be terribly challenging to learn, but the people, the constant people. An introvert isn’t wired that way, to always be with people, to talk, to create talk, to make others easy in a situation. An introvert wants to. Sean is the only thing that I have to turn to when the nights are so long. I'm really starting to hate what we are doing but I haven't been able to stop. Soon, very soon! Maybe!Somehow, I'm going to have to figure out what to do about Kelli Bitch. I don't know how, since they are so far away. Maybe I can find some cheap airfare and surprise Mike on a long weekend. I'm really going to have to work on that since I AM NOT GIVING UP!Mary was absolutely amazed and quite surprised at how lonely she had become since Mike's departure. The kids were so busy with their own lives and Sean had turned out to be good for really just one thing, fucking."I think about that the wonderful talks that Mike and I used to have pre-Sean are what I miss the most. We were so close and he was so attentive and loving to me. We talked and cuddled. We laughed and loved. What have I done? Mike was my soul mate, my one true love. We are supposed to grow old together. The way things are going, the only thing we may.
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