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I didn't call because I'm so humiliated over my behavior the other night. Now I understand the meaning of the word, shame."It wasn't so bad," he replied. "You underestimated the strength of those drinks, that's all."No, that's not all. I was behaving very foolishly. I wasn't acting my age. I was acting like ... like a bubble-headed kid fresh from college."I'm a bubble-headed kid fresh from college," he replied. "There's nothing wrong with that."There is when you're supposed to be old enough to know better. I'm supposed to be a grown-up, not a kid."Here's something my dad told me. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. I think it's great you've kept your sense of fun. You just got carried away."You were the responsible one."That's only because I've suffered a few benders like the one you went on that night. I've learned my lesson."One I, obviously, haven't ... or forgot."Iris -- no need to beat yourself up. We were having a great time. You have to admit that."Yes ... I was. ”“Like a programmer?” I was intrigued.Jacob shrugged. “I guess, yes. Whenever I see your mother, she always mentions that you are stuck in your room on your computer.”I flushed red. I could feel it.Tucking my light-brown hair behind my ears, I focused on taking another sip of my beer.My mother was always doing that. I know exactly why she was always mentioning me to him. No doubt she was comparing his kids to me. I never lived up to anyone in her eyes.Well, at least she thought I was doing something constructive on my laptop when I was holed up in my room.Truth is, ninety-percent of the time I was watching porn and masturbating. Look, these constant wayward thoughts about a man that would probably never be mine had to be released somehow.“Well, psychotherapy is a bit like programming,” I ventured quietly.Jacob chuckled and nodded. “Well, your mother is always going on about it.”“Yes, she tends to go on about me ever since dad died,” I said without thinking.I saw his eyes fall to the.
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