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. Lord, I don't know how many years now. I'm over seventy, you know, coming down the home stretch now, haven't told it in ... well, it was back in the 'fifties when it happened, and after I told it a few times I sort of gave up and I haven't said much to anybody since then.Grab a beer, then. OK, get me one anyhow, and whatever you want, it's in the icebox over there. This'll take a little time.Ready now? Well, it all started with a girl. I was third year college and I was all in l-o-o-v-e just like any horny twenty-one-year-old and there it was, summer break looming up and her going out on field work for her damn major. Paleontology, that was—that's like archaeology, except a lot older. Anyhow, all I could think of was keep getting in her pants, and there were volunteer jobs doing the scut work, and what with one thing and another I found myself volunteering. For the whole damn summer, or so I thought.Ever been on a paleontological dig? Sounds glamorous as hell, doesn't it, King Tut. The rest of the evening was a continuous flow of conversation. Everyone got to open their mouth. ‘How’s Miami, Mr. Vitto?’ the Professor asked him, ‘I’d love to retire there myself some day but I don’t think I can bring myself to leave New York City’s fine arts scene.’ ‘Well, you really gotta want to live there and if you can thrive in humid and hot weather, it’s paradise,’ said Vitto. ‘Mamma Banach, can you make some more coffee please?’ Aunt Nacy said. ‘When are you going to take me to see The New York Yankees, Hudson?’ Angelo inquired ‘Alyssa, don’t play with your food. Have another cream pie, Professor,’ said Mamma. ‘When’s your next vacation, Hudson? You should come to Miami,’ Uncle Vitto said,’ we can go to the Gator Bowl seeing as you like football more than baseball.’ ‘Did you see that new Madonna music video on MTV ‘Papa Don’t Preach, Alyssa?’ one of her cousins asked her. ‘I don’t care for that crazy gal,’ Nancy, Vitto’s wife said, ‘she’s giving American gals a really bad.
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