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I ll never know.He loved us the way he could, I guess we did the same too. But, but, but as long as I m alive, I wish we could have been better dad-son. Wish I was stupider. Wish I could enjoy TV along with him, or be there every day making life for him, or I was never born so he could spare the time he spent on me and did what he enjoyed most a more. I will never know.I have regrets, now that he is dead. I had them when he was alive. I think I tried to live his life for him. I backed out frequently allowing him freedom to chose, he didn't.Maybe that was his choice.My mom was a piece of art. I thought she was stupider. But she could listen. We told her everything. She had lots and lots of friends. Getting to a strange place, u'd expect her to make a few friends within minutes. People talked to her. She could have been a super therapist. Never did she tell them that she knew better. Whenever I confronted her, she d put a sordid face.' ... but I m stupid.' Till this day we never talked. He told me his office was close by and he just walked to work every day from his apartment. I walked with him asking him about his schedule and his plans. I was little nervous and I knew it was only fear of unknown. We still kept seeing each other on that dating site few times a week and now we were feeling a bit more comfortable talking with each other after knowing who we were chatting with. In his first two months we met few times for coffee and even once for lunch and few times for evening walk. Slowly we became very familiar with each other and we became good friends. We had long conversations and we shared past experiences and expectations. During these visits we talked about our past relationships and consoled each other. We both knew the importance of love in the relationship. We both believed that a relationship is more than just sexual connection. On many occasions in these two months he bought me flowers, he took me to lunch, dropped me home after dinner. He did all those.
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