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" Thanks Bitch." Honey were you talking to me?" Uh, no honey. Why?"Crap. I look outside from my recliner. I almost need to mow the grass but as hot and dry as it is if I do it might kill some of it. Besides, I look at the fancy thermometer on my bookcase. It's 10:30 in the morning and already 92 degrees. Weather service web site says high of 99 today. Guess I won't bother with the mowing today. Hell I can't even go outside and fuck around. Damn medicine I take says stay out of heat and sun. I believe it. Every time I ignore the small print and go outside I get dizzy and weak and feel like crap. Of course the damn allergies don't help much. Crap.Wonder what's on TV. I pick up the remote off the table beside my recliner and scroll through the channels. Crap. Not a damn thing on I want to watch. We have 157 damn channels and there's nothing on to watch. Crap. There were a few good movies on but I've seen them a million times. I could almost act the main parts myself. I toss the remote. My desperation is breaking my soul and my spirit shattered a long time ago. With nothing else to hold onto, I am forced to let go. This may mean no more to you than all the other expressions of depth I’ve tried to share, but I feel that without writing this last letter I’ll never know true closure. The depression of never knowing your love again is too great a burden to carry, quite simply, I can’t go on. The coldness and stabbing that I feel in accepting that you’re gone is my absolute hell on Earth, I don’t know what my crime was for this punishment but I’m assured it must have been great to have brought this upon me. My life will be forever changed because of your presence and even more so due to the lack there of, I thought I couldn’t live without you, now it looks as though I’ll have no choice- it’s the pain I’ll have to survive. But I have acknowledged that you are not mine to keep, I realize that your attention and affection is not something you are willing to share with me.
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