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“Damn, did you see Gramma’s face when she saw their butt plugs? That was priceless!” Emily joked.It took me a moment to realize she wasn’t talking to me at all. It was as if I didn’t exist to her. She was joking with her cousin. Jessie laughed and said he thought she was going to freak out.“Nah, Gramma can be uptight, but it’s hard to push her buttons and get a reaction out of her. I wished I’d had a plug up MY ass. I could have slid down my jeans, and that would have REALLY made her flip her lid!” Emily joked.“Why didn’t you do it then?” Jessie asked enthusiastically.“Gross, I was just joking!” my daughter scoffed at the very idea she’d really do something that outrageous. “If I had done that, I bet even old dirty uncle Randy would have lost his shit.”Jessie thought that would have been funny as well. He admitted Randy never paid him much attention, but tonight it felt different.“Of course it did. You were acting different, dummy,” Emily observed. It was true – even in the short time. “You see my dear, portraiture is entirely played out.” He opined loudly. “Portraits are vanity, nothing more. In the coming decade, the truly fashionable gentleman will demonstrate his taste through landscapes. Nature’s sublime beauty; idyllic pastoral backwaters; even some city scenes, showing the darker side of things. And I shall be at the forefront of it. The trend setter, if I may coin a phrase.”Behind him followed a young woman in a gown with an unwisely low neckline. She had clearly invested great effort into her appearance. Sparkling diamond earrings hung twinkling amid her elaborately styled blonde hair; her unremarkable chest was lifted high by her bodice and her cheeks, which still bore traces of puppy fat, were liberally daubed with rouge. She had a turned up nose and long eyelashes that gave her a permanent look of surprise. Looking around the lavishly decorated chamber with unveiled awe, she said, “You have stunning taste, my Prince. Your collection of landscapes is.
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