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I’ve never been that weak. As I continue to contemplate myself in the mirror, the ringing phone startles me. Unfortunately it’s my mother. ‘Hello, sweets. If I don’t call you, you don’t call me.’ ‘We talk on the phone almost every day, Ma.’ ‘Yeah, if I call you. You’re too distant. How come you don’t call me?’ Here we go. ‘If I die, you’re going to be the last to know.’ I sigh. ‘Okay, Ma. I’m sorry but I’ve been busy.’ She continues: ‘Any boyfriends?’ ‘No,’ I say, annoyed. ‘That’s too bad. So, tell me, Karla, when was the last time you got laid?’ ‘Ma!’ I can’t believe the way she talks to me sometimes. I didn’t know mothers were even allowed to talk that way to their children. But that’s my mother, unpredictable. She never fails to surprise me. Her philosophy is, you have to be straightforward with your children because that’s how they learn. Tell it like it is, she would say. She’s a Freudian nightmare. ‘Tell me. When was the last time you got laid?’ she repeats. I sigh. She. The experiment appeared to be proceeding well. The effects of cosmic radiationseemed much as predicted but she would need to check the culture in anotherfour hours to be sure. She noted the time on her clipboard and waited asthe panel door from the laboratory hissed open. She pushed a loose blondehair back into place and stepped out into the corridor. As she headed along the gangway, towards her cabin, she was suddenlyaware of another presence, something watching her, something near. She turned, caught a glimpse of a single green tentacle and then,catching her heel in the steel grating of the gangway, fell backwards onthe steel platform, knocking the breath from her body, and letting herclipboard spin from her grasp. Before she could scream the beast was upon her. One tentacle pinionedher wrists above her head, another snaked across her face, the rim of asucker encircling her lips in an obscene alien kiss. As she gasped to breathe,a fleshy proboscis erupted from the centre of the.
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