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" Do you see yourself as a woman when you are dressed like this?" Sort of, it is strange. I wake up in the morning with an erection, justlike I used to. At that point I am male. I have to go through theexercise of tucking and coaxing my balls into their cavity before I puton my gaff. I am conscious of my maleness then, also when I put on mycorset. Now that I no longer shave, that is one less male thing. As Idress and put on my make up, I feel more female. During the day, I amoften conscious of being a man wanting to be seen as a woman. I am awarethat my boobs are false most of the time. Then there are those othertimes when I forget who I am and just become Mandy. I enjoy those timesmost.I spend a lot of my time with transgendered people and cross dressers, soI am aware of that world, most of the time. I am aware that I am learningall the time. I watch how women dress and act. I read magazines and watchwomen on TV.I love the moments when I just forget Mike and become Mandy. Mike is. Everyone may think that I have it all, but on the inside I’m terrified that someone’s going to tear the façade away, and expose the insecure little girl to the world. And who would like her?“I’m not as cool as you think. I still worry too much about what’s popular and what’s not popular, about what people think about me.”Hailey looked down, her face red with embarrassment as she confessed what she had done.“I made him take me some place where no one I knew would see me with him…”Christie smiled at her and squeezed her hands “But you let everyone see you hold his hand in school today.”Why didn’t I do that? Why couldn’t I have done that? Damn it, what’s wrong with me?They were interrupted by Hailey’s friends who had come to apologize to her, and Christie wound up inviting them to sit down next to them.As the girls discussed Hailey’s date with Chris she kept quiet, but asked a few leading questions that kept proving to Hailey just how good of a guy Chris was.The more she listened.
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