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I wander through my daily routine with little thinking. I have done my best not to let friends and family know how truly devastated I am. I have lost 30 pounds since Marie has left. I just forget to eat most days. I sit alone in the dark at night and just wait to fall asleep from exhaustion and despair. I though about calling Marie but didn’t see any point in it. It’s a week before Christmas. It is a crisp December day. After sunset I take a walk. I walk for miles without even knowing it. I look at all the pretty Christmas lights and think how happy some people will be during this time of year. I try not to think of my situation as happy people pass me by and offer warm seasons greetings. Time is slipping away from me as I start to head back home. The light snow looks like sugar it’s so fine. I hear people behind me. I hear a little girl call out to her daddy. I turn to look and no one is there. I turn and pick up my pace. My mental state is so fragile I just figure it’s my mind. Jason walked over to the table and grabbed my keys. “Going to class,” he said. Then he left. Didn’t have a backpack or a laptop swung over his shoulder. He left wearing a tank top, some warm up track pants, sneakers, and that gold chain he always wears around his neck. I ran over and punched the wall as hard as I could, letting out all my frustrations…then quickly went to the refrigerator to wrap my hand in ice. Not smart, I know. I laid out on the couch. My career goal came to a screeching halt. I had to rethink everything. Who knows what kind of consequences this was going to have on me, thanks to that jackass. I knew one thing I had to do…I had to remove his name from my reference list post haste! However, that was at the back of my mind. Revenge. I wanted revenge. I wanted to get that fucker back for what he did to me. I laid on the couch and closed my eyes. I was still angry. Every time I saw Jason’s face, I wanted to punch it as hard as I could. If he had a car, I’d slash his.
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