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"Well, that sounds like a wonderful cause and I'm so glad you're doing it. Do you take checks?" Yes, we do. We're happy to. But I'm also looking for sponsors. You know, like when people get others to sponsor them for a walk for hunger? A certain amount per mile?" Yes, I'm familiar with that. And how far are you walking?" Oh, I'm not walking. I'm collecting instead, something that many people are happy to give away." Oh, and what's that?" Sperm." Sperm?" My mother's composure flickered. I was shocked."Yes, semen actually. I've pledged to collect a pint of semen, and people are paying me for every teaspoonful I collect."My mother prides herself on being open-minded. "Oh, that's wonderful! I'm afraid I can't help with that, but my husband might when he comes home, and Jess here might be willing." Well, yes, of course it is only the men and boys who can help with that side of things." OK -- look, here's my husband now." Dad's car was pulling in the driveway. "I'm sure Fred will be happy. She landed with a smack on the walkway." Oh dear! Jane! She'll suffocate under her own weight if we don't get her back in the water quickly!" Don't worry! We're prepared for this. We're lowering the walkway into the tank. Jane will be fine!"They lowered the whale into the tank without fuss, and Jill examined her and proclaimed her unhurt from her escape attempt.The following day, when Andrea arrived for work, she saw blood stains surrounding Jane's blowhole. She immediately ran back to Jill's office yelling, "Jill! Jill! Come quick! Something's wrong with Jane! I think she really got hurt yesterday!"Jill jumped out of her chair spilling veterinary records all over her desk. She grabbed a whale kit and ran with Andrea out to the whale tanks.Exiting out to the tanks, Jane was swimming blissfully around the edge of the tank. Andrea reached out and patted Jane on her dorsal fin while Jill held a stethoscope up to different parts of Jane's body."Jane's fine, Andrea. Let me take a sample.
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