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"You are wounded, but so I am. Please make me feel accepted and inpeace!" I was praying the very moment I was left alone with the icon.There is something special about a man praying to a female image,something humbling but with a high degree of acceptance.Finding the icon and my emotional reaction to it can be nothing but acoincidence. But anyway, I decided to learn a bit about shamanism.*** Transgender Shamans, Transgender GodsShamanism has become a popular subject. There are tonnes of materialdevoted to it. But a lot of it sounds completely fake to me. Some whitepeople in funny clothes are ranting about "connection to the earthspirit" sorry, I am not impressed. I found that the most authenticmaterial was in publications written by anthropologists. It was in alecture by a female anthropologist that I first heard about this. Themale shamans of the Chukchi always dress in women's clothes duringtheir rituals. After their work is done, they can dress male again, butsome live full-time as. "For a guy that had beentaken care of so poorly in life, how could you trust her?" But there wasanother small part of me that was battling my subconscious that wastelling me that it was okay, everything would be alright, that I couldfinally let go of my fears and still be safe. Either way, I didn't feel Ihad any say in the matter, especially if I wanted to return to my formerself.Amy lifted my legs, and I submissively laid there and let her. Sheslipped a pair of pampers under me. "We can't have messes on the floorall the time" she said jokingly. I smiled back at her impassively, afterall what could I do. She pulled the Pampers around my waist and fastenedthe tape. The diaper was warm and quite comfortable, and it relieved someanxiety. "Sit up honey, I mean Kevin, and let me get this dress on."Why not, I thought. I was a girl, at least for the moment; it was adress, nothing wrong with it. It was a pretty dress at that, pink withwhite sheep around the skirt part of it. For some reason.
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