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And I didn’t want to make that move. I didn’t want to ruin her relationship with Jason. Because I could see that he made her truly happy. And as much as it hurt me to see her with him, it mattered more that she was happy. She backed off, puzzled. “What-“ “Julia please.” Another wave of hot tears hit me. “Please, just go away. Go and don’t ever text me or call me again. Please!” “So this is how you want to end our nine years of friendship?” she said, hurt in her voice. “You want to move to New York and never speak to me again?” “I’m sorry,” I whispered, closing my eyes and turning away. Then all my emotions spilled out. “It’s just that I…I love you Julia. As a friend…but also so much more.” Silence. I had never told her I was lesbian, and for good reason too. Her parents were probably the biggest homophobes in town. Every time I went over for dinner they’d be discussing with disgust the latest advancements on gay marriage. “It’s just that…every time I see you, I feel like a piece of. The hot, sticky weather makes me feel alive, and the eyes of the various men on me make me aware of my own sexuality. I have no desires for them, but knowing they desire me is exciting! The coolness of the air conditioned office building hits me as I open the door. It's a relief, but also an indication I must try to get my mind off of my desires and back into my work. I sit down at my desk and open my email. There's one from you saying you hope I'm enjoying my day (Oh, am I ever!) and that you're having a productive time on your trip. You tell me you were thinking about me last night and wishing I was there with you (I know exactly what you mean!) and that you love me. My heart beats faster. I write back one sentence: What would you have done had I been there last night? I don't normally write things like that to you, but I'm not myself today. I have a hard time keeping my mind on my work the rest of the day, my mind is buzzing with sexual energy and it's difficult to contain my.
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