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The world, she said, had enough of us greedy westerners sucking the life out of it. The will to die that was spreading so quickly in Britain and countries like it was down to Gaia doing some housekeeping, ridding herself of a few parasites. The audience booed, and the evangelist and psychologist the host brought later on demolished the argument to everyone's satisfaction, but I was left with an uncomfortable feeling the woman had been right. I've written in these pages about not wanting to go on living, but until that point suicide had never seemed like a real option.I took down the phone number at the end of the show and called them. I got through on the fifteenth attempt, but when I heard the woman's voice answering I had no idea of what I was going to say. I put the receiver down without saying a word.Anyway, it's silly thinking about killing myself while I'm in this body. It's not my property, and if I "killed" it anyway my mind would just trip back to its frozen. Would he still go? After that night, my life changed. I did, too. I wasn’t me anymore. I was somebody else. I was angry all the time, angry with everyone. All my friends were nearly afraid to talk to me. My teachers were afraid of what I’d do to them. I wasn’t me. One night at my house, all my friends were there. Francesca was there. She was always so pretty, but she didn’t like me that way. “Chris,” Francesca said. “We’re worried about you.” I sat down and gazed at her. “How come?” “Chris,” Francesca said. “You’re just not yourself lately. I know you’ve been through a lot and I know that’s probably the cause of the change, but you need help, Chris.” I glanced at Benny and Jake. They nodded their agreement. “I think she’d right,” Benny said. “Who asked you?” I shouted at him, getting to my feet. “Chris, calm down,” Jake ordered. “Listen to them. They know what they’re talking about.” “And you do?” “Look,” Benny said. “All I said was that I think Francesca is right. You need to get.
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