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..?" I was confused and trying not to make it harder on her. She was being so loving. It almost made it sadder."This..." she said and she leaned in and kissed me on the mouth. I kissed her back, lost in the taste of her lips, letting the caress of the fantasy take me away for a minute. Then I remembered. She's straight, I'm not. And I'm in love with her."Wait, this isn't going to work. I don't want you to do this if you don't feel it," I said, afraid she was just feeling badly for me."I do feel it," she said, her beautiful eyes looking deeply into mine. "I don't think it's the same as what you feel. But, I do love you. And, I do think you're beautiful. And, if I was going to find out maybe there was something for me in a relationship with a woman, you are the one I'd want to learn that from. Are you ok with me trying without being sure?"I nodded, feeling my eyes welling up again. She kissed me, the salt of my sadness blending with her saliva. It was so beautiful the way she loved me. The two of us met regularly all through April and May. We kept talking for hours at times about pretty much everything. Our dreams about the future, our regrets about the past and I felt we were growing more closer together than we had ever been before. I would not yet admit it to myself then but I had fallen in love with Nadine's husband. I have had crushes on guys before, of course, daydreaming about how it would be to have a relationship with those boys and men. This was different. For the first time this was not just a fantasy with no means of becoming true, I was having the real thing . There was a man in my home whom I did everything with I imagined couples would do. We cooked together (well to be honest he did most of the cooking, I am horrible at it), we fooled around, played games, we watched our series and got drunk together. Well not everything couples would do quite yet, we did not make out and we did not have sex. On the other hand I was having lots of sex with myself..
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