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Well, we set sail for Tarshish. I figured a pleasant boat trip to a fun city was better than a long uncomfortable camel ride to deliver an unpopular pronouncement to an undeserving people. After a few hours of fair weather, with the sun and the excitement, and a good meal with a nice little jar of Joppa's best wine, I got sleepy so I went below for a nap. You can guess the Lord wasn't happy with my choice.The next thing I know, the Captain is shaking me out of a good sound sleep. There was shouting and confusion and a lot of running around by the sailors. Some were even praying to their small idols they had brought along. A big storm had blown in while I was asleep. The swells of the sea were so huge that the ship might have been broken on one. The enormous waves were washing over the decks and the crew had thrown all the cargo overboard to lighten the ship.The Captain shook me awake and told me what was happening. He said, "What are you doing sound asleep? Pray to your god like. "And the full name of that one-horse arse hole of the universe is Little Sprodwell under Fosse - God help us all!" I beg your pardon, Professor, but I have this on the very best authority. The trouble with you locals is you can't see the wood for the trees. You are blind to the treasures to be found in your own back yard." Bollocks, if you will excuse the repetition, Professor! This particular shindig is as phoney and ersatz as it comes. Believe me, I know! The presiding genius is a relative of mine - the black sheep of the family and a total charlatan to boot! But, what the Hell? It'll be a nice day out and a goodly display of female flesh can be practically guaranteed if I know anything of the Colonel, the disgusting lecher - bless his rotten old heart!"Professors Johnson and Hackenbacker looked at their silent Teutonic colleague. This learned and weary Viennese gentleman shrugged his acquiescence - the first indication on his part for some time that he was actually awake. A visit.
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