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The sweet part of the deal is that no one will take it seriously.Mom is fucking retarded. She thinks she can still get me excited with wedding magazines and romance novels. Like I'm going to wake up one day and totally get it. Dad's just in it for the money. He boasts over the dinner table. Yeah, we still do that. How totally motherf-ing quaint. He boasts about how much easy business comes his way from the church and churchgoers and the holy-ass Christian women's club. I mean seriously, can you even believe there is such a thing?So when they figured out I was into girls (and it took them long enough to notice - it's not like I was doing an ace job of hiding it) they hit the roof hard.Well, he did. Mom doesn't do that. She just gets disappointed, which is much worse because she may be an asshole but she's still my mom.Where do you shop for one of these places, by the way? Not that you'd know. But I wonder, because it's not like you'd find it in the yellow pages. My parents found one. He is a nice guy."We were early and the priest came from his office and invited us in. He asked me a few dozen questions, and then asked Jenny several questions. He said to me, "Jenny wants to get married soon. Are you pregnant, Jenny?"That made me angry, and I said, "It will be the second coming of Christ if she is pregnant."The man's mouth dropped, and he said, "That is almost blasphemy. I asked a valid question." Jenny and I are good people, Father. We are both virgins and are willing to remain that way until we do get married or decide to just live together. We don't want that. We want to get married in a Church, preferably your Church, with you presiding over the wedding. Jenny is a good woman and will be an honorable woman throughout our life and marriage. Now, what do we need to do?" It's good that you defended your intended, but please be careful how you address Christ and how you might reference the Blessed Virgin Mary. Forgive me for asking a question that was too strong.
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