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“Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next”“DROWN YOURSELF, YOU F**KING IDIOT!Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car crash. The driver of the car was sitting in his seat, screaming hysterically.One of the paramedics tried to calm him. “Take deep breaths and pull yourself together. Be thankful that at least you haven’t gone through the windshield like your passenger,” and he pointed at a girl lying unconscious by the side of the road. “She looks in a really bad state.”Still crying uncontrollably, the driver yelled: “You haven’t seen what’s in her mouth!”The telephone rang at dawn. “Hello, Señor Ralph? This is Alfredo, the caretaker at your country house.”“Hi, Alfredo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”“Uh, I am just calling to tell you, Señor Ralph, that your parrot died.”“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the international competition?”“Yes, Señor, that’s the one.”“Damn! That’s a pity. I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?”“From. ''''Wait, what?'' I asked surprised, ''Why are you telling me this now?''''Well because before now I couldn't stand the thought of you ever getting with a slut like Emma, but now I don't mind because you're mine.'' she told me with a sinister smile.''I can't believe my sister cock-blocked me.'' I told her.She rolled her eyes and dropped her shoulders, ''Please, the list of girlfriends you've had that I wished I could have blocked you from.'' she replied.''Oh really? Like who?''''Like who? Like Belinda, Evie, Nicola and of course the worst of the lot of them; Willa.'' she claimed.''Awh that's not fair, Willa had the biggest boobs I've ever seen! And Evie was tighter than the eye of a needle. They all had their qualities.'' I told her.''Yeah, and who was the one that had to listen to you enjoying those qualities?'' she asked.''You're going to go there? How about that time I caught you sending pictures of your perfect ass to that idiot Ian? Or when I heard your headboard banging against.
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