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" The sound of his voice was loud in the empty house."Yah!!" He shouted into the silence. "Yah ARGHH!!!" The wordless bellow died and he felt a little better. "More scotch," he staggered to the sideboard to clutch the bottle like a lifeline. He pondered this image. 'I am drowning' he thought then aloud, "drowning my sorrows". This, too, he found ironic. He didn't usually drink. It was his wife - more accurately now his ex-wife - who liked to have her evening 'relaxer'. "Anything you can do, I can do better" His voice was cracked and harsh, redolent with pain. So he started to laugh but it sounded to him like sobbing.Time passed. The shaft of sunlight falling into the room moved slowly to one side then disappeared. The streetlights came on and still he sat, sometimes mumbling but mostly silent. In his silence he remembered.There was no fixed chronology. However hard he tried to impose some order, memories came at random. The last weeks, ten years ago, twenty. He gave up struggling and. Then my eyefell upon my half-open closet.I stripped down to my bra and panties and tried on the clothes in mycloset. I tried short dresses and different heels. I tried camisole tops.I looked at how different pairs of jeans flattered my butt. I preened andposed. I practiced looking cute, serious, flirty and sexy. It wasn'thard. I'd seen thousands of attractive women posing in magazines, TVshows, and movies. I just needed to emulate those images.Then I realized that tomorrow, I was supposed to work at Hooters for theafternoon shift---right before the 1:00 PM NFL games. Rather thandreading the prospect, I was looking forward to it. I'm a girl. It's notgoing to be all about sex. It's about time I start living a real life.I unhooked my bra and slipped a ice-blue silk shift over my body. I couldhave worn cheer shorts and a top, or a big t-shirt, but I wanted to wearsomething distinctly feminine. Perhaps, my reason was that I wanted toremind myself of my new identity. Or maybe I just wanted.
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