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It has set me straight on what I need to do and I have set my mind to it. I have tried so hard to live as a man and I have found it impossible. I was not born to be a man and I am going to make sure that the future does not hold that prospect for me. I had received the majority of Steve Mitchell?s possessions after I originally left the hospital and while going through them one day, I found a hidden compartment in one of his cases that contained a pistol that was loaded. My last attempt to kill myself did not go over well because I took a woman?s way out without pain by taking sleeping pills. Up until now, I have been afraid to use it and now the fear is gone. This time I have to do it the man?s way and end it with violence. Let this be my last words while I say that I am sorry that I have to do this. Good bye to my family and I am sorry for thepain I am going to cause them. I just cannot take this any more and I must end it now. * * * * * * * * Excerpt from the. He was silent for a minute. Finally, he asked, “How is your health?”“Not so good. I can’t sleep at night. My stomach is producing acid like it was a chemical factory owned by Dow. My muscles are so tense that I can barely walk like a human being. I have constant headaches,” Nestor said.Magus asked, “Have you been to a doctor?”“Yes,” Nestor said.“What did your doctor say?” Magus asked.“He says that it is stress. He gave me some pills to take. They have helped a little. They get me through the first hour of work. I’ve been going to a therapist, but an hour with him versus eight hours of facing an endless line of crabby irritated angry mad furious inhuman...” Nestor’s answer faded out when he ran out of adjectives.“I see,” Magus said. “Tell me about your perfect job.”Nestor said, “Well, I’d like a job that has a bit of up time and a bit of down time. Kind of like a chauffeur where you drive a bit and then wait for the person to finish his business. It would give me a chance to read a.
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