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It was as though he had been playing his part in a much bigger story, one that he did not understand at any conscious level, but somehow was affecting him profoundly at a much deeper level. Rob looked at him again. There was something in his expression. ‘That’s not all, is it?’ Zak looked away and threw him a sideways glance. ‘Well… That robot sounds so convincing. It pleads with me, you know, insisting it is my wife.’ ‘That’s fucking mental. You sure the maid isn’t your wife?’ ‘I know! It plagues my mind. I get so confused. I haven’t dared tell my wife. She would go ballistic if she thought I could possibly confuse her with a robot. I keep telling myself not to obsess about it, but that nagging feeling won’t go away.’ ‘Isn’t there some way you could prove to yourself that you are just imagining all this?’ ‘Oh I have. The robot responds to the remote… always. I have even sneaked up behind it and it still responds correctly. I know it is just in my head. I could never have imagined. "I groped for a response..."Well, um...yea, I am kind of living that way..." wasall I managed."Why?" she asked.When I appeared lost again, she continued, "I mean, transgendered peopleare not exactly mainstream yet, but Christ we have like six on campus,several are friends of mine, and my high school even had two people intransition....so, why not you too?" It's a long story," I replied stiffly.She noted my tone and replied, "Well, given what you did today, I think Ideserve to hear that story, don't you?"After a few seconds, I reluctantly nodded, and haltingly began... "Not muchto tell really."My parents both died of alcoholism when I was young. My dad when I wasfive, my mother at eleven. I was passed into foster care, where "fittingin" and "not making waves" was required if you wanted to stay withpeople. I was struggling with the experiences of living with an out ofcontrol adult from age 5 to 11 and it was all pretty tumultuous with thetrauma of that AND the dysphoria I was.
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