”“Do you think you would? There are four of us in the class that would like to do more drawing of you if you would? We’d pay you forty dollars an hour?”Like most college students, the money would be most welcome so I told her I was interested and she asked if I could pose for them on Saturday afternoon at one.I agreed and she wrote down an address which was a house that they all rented together. I showed up right at one and Chloe answered the door and let me in. We went down the hall to the den and there were three other girls.Noah, this is Masami, she’s from Osaka, that’s Nora, she’s from Cincinnati, and that’s Carrie from Philadelphia.”I’d seen them all in the art class, of course, and they all said hello.Are you ready?” I asked and Chloe said they were so I took my clothes off and she had me take a pose.After a minute to two, she asked, “Um, we were kind of wondering if you could take some different poses for us?”Sure, like what?”Could you, like, make yourself hard?” Chloe. We both said,"No, we weren't doing that." But we were so shocked by the extremelydegrading nature of her comment that we both thought it better to justpretend it never happened and not confront her again over it.I can't pinpoint what was causing my mother to suddenly treat me exactlyas my aunt had done. On the other hand, from my mother's point of view Iwas in my 30's and unmarried with no girlfriend in sight. Perhaps thatraised some red flags for her that I could be gay and she wanted to testthe waters by forcing the issue in my face to see if I would "come out".Eventually, feeling it was possible that both my mother and my aunt weresecretly conspiring to "out me" unleashed my deepest fears that I wasn'tgoing to be able to maintain any control over that aspect of my life. Ihad a sinking feeling that a tremendous downfall for my ego wasinevitable. Whenever my aunt sent me boxes full of presents for mybirthday I was terrified that I was going to open the packages and seethat they were.
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