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. what have you been eating?" I mumbled. Then came the rumbles and an explosion: FART. To expel gas through the anus; relieve flatulence by the most immediate expediency. It was accompanied by brown water."Hineahuone?" Yes?"The door cracked open and slammed shut."What ever you want ain't gonna happen, Good lord David ... that's awful! Did you do that?" No ... she did. I need you to open the balcony doors, open the bath door and evacuate the premises." Do I have to?" Yes ... and take our clothes with you."The sliding glass doors slid open. The cats ... who are, at this particular moment, smarter than I ... exited through the opening. I heard shuddering indrawn breaths and the bathroom door cracked open. The thundering herd that was a single Maori girl slammed the suite door ... it opened again..."Shit" ... and closed after some rustling.Hineahuone had forgotten the clothes. The hall door was open just long enough to waft the greenish yellow sulfurous methane gas down the hall. What. As I went about my chores, I thought constantly about Steve and my wife. I guess I knew it would come to this, but didn't want to admit to the fact that she would have a black baby for us. I was horrified at the thought of bringing the baby to church and feeling the stares of our neighbours and friends. They already think I'm the lowest level of a wimp. This will only serve to validate it.Even though my mind is walking through all the abject humiliation I'm certain to face, my prick is stiff as a fireplace poker.After reading our daughter her bedtime story and tucking her in, I relaxed a bit with a stiff drink. I decided to call mom."I thought you'd be calling me sweetie. Yes she told us." Mom told me in an upbeat un-surprised tone of voice."B-But mother, d-do you know what'd be like for me to claim I'm the father? W-Why I-I'd l-look like the b-biggest fool." I understand dear. You know how she likes to tease you a bit from time to time. But she thinks telling the truth might be.
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