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At least I’d still be around. Even Purgatory would be an improvement, though from what I’ve read, it can be kinda boring. But it’s the not knowing for sure that cause the panic. I was raised in a church and believed in God and Heaven and everything that goes with it. When I got older, I realized that church wasn’t for me, what with various beliefs and doctrines, so I stopped going. I finally settled on that I believe that there is SOMETHING out there, but not ‘God’ as he/she was presented to me when I was a child. Some part of my brain just couldn’t handle all of the crap that was served to me on the silver platter that was organized religion. So, here I am without something to believe in when, apparently, I need something. I’ve thought about medication for anxiety. I’ve talked to my doctor and read through the effects and side-effects. I don’t think meds are the answer. It’s the worst at night. I go to bed, feeling very peaceful, and then something happens to trigger thoughts of. As she turned to face Ajay I saw her face for the first time. My heart jumped a beat to see my mother, Girija , standing there with Ajay. He had put his hand on her shoulders and was talking to her. It is now that I realized where my mother would go when she said she had to go to her relatives on the weekends. Times were bad for us and she had suffered a lot so no one objected that she had to go and no one made any enquiries about her. Everything came back so clearly now. I was shocked and wanted to go into that room immediately but then I thought of Ajay, what he would think. We would lose all our respect in front of him. So I just sat there looking on as Ajay unknowingly was kissing my mother.He started with the kissing but soon his hands were on her big buttocks. He was squeezing her ass as he kissed her. The way he was gripping her ass made her sari rise up and exposes her calves. She was also kissing him like a sex hungry slut. He left her and sat on the bed, she meanwhile.
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