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Ben had gone; I was more alone than ever, with the knowledge that morphine was just too wonderfully comforting, and I didn't think I'd be able to resist its lure for long. I'd thrown up after the first jack, but even that didn't matter. For a timeless flight of hours, I was happy, benign, calm and friendly. Nothing mattered. I felt content; I dreamed vivid poppy-dreams. With Ben's connections and the money ever ready at my disposal, it would be so very easy to get more, to insulate myself forever against real life and the future.Against this, my only defence was a raw nihilistic need for sexual degradation. Not much of a contest. In a life stripped of love, and almost entirely of relationships, the balance of my mind was now teetering on the very edge of complete self-destruction. It got so bad, the call I'd made a call before Margaret, this one to auntie Susan, dialling her number for the first time in three years, hoping against hope that Sarah would pick up the phone first. I. ”“Stop it!” she screamed. “Don’t you dare.”“Don’t dare? Don’t I dare? Who, the hell, do you think you are talking to? Madame? Was it my fault the little snotty brat ...”Faster than he, thought imaginable Sandy was on her feet, the bread knife in her hand and pressed up against his throat.“Don’t you ever mention him again,” she snarled. “I will not tolerate hearing my c***d’s name on your coarse lips.”His cruel eyes, met hers, mocking and vicious.“What c***d?” he said. “It’s dead, Sand, dead as a door nail, because he was weak like you.”For one moment, she felt the knife twitch in her hand, before thinking better of it and instead sending a right-cross straight in to his jaw. Her fist connected and the sharp crack sent terry backward across the table.“You Bitch!” he bawled. “Now you’re really going to get it.”However, the knife was already at his throat again.“You lay one finger on me ever again, Terry Bradshaw, and I will wait till you are sleeping and I will cut off your balls and.
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