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At school, I was constantly distracted by the irrational thought that the students and teachers could detect that I was no longer a virgin. I felt different. I felt womanly. My vagina had been christened and opened last night, my hymen had been ruptured. Not only did I feel different, I was different.Would they sense the profound change in me? Of course not; nonetheless, I still felt like they might.How would they react if they knew that it was my older brother who ‘popped my cherry’ last night? They would be horrified. Both Gary and I would be banished from all social interaction, labeled 'sick perverts'.The knowledge that society and our friends would react the way that I knew they would if they knew, bothered me. What it really meant is that there was something significant about me now that I had to hide from even my closest friends and family members, or be rejected completely. I could not be myself ever again around even my closest friends.I now had a deep, dark secret that. My farmer admirer in buoyant mood. I knew he was a charming man the moment he pulled up as before he wound his window down he put on his face-covering. I did the same.'Hi gorgeous, I've always wanted to get a proper look of you in your cycling shorts' he said to me. 'Oh really?' I said. 'I must look a total mess, soaked through, and exhausted?', 'I see you have a flat tyre, want some help, can I give you a hand?' I didn't catch what he said, not so much because of the face covering or the thunder and lightening but because I couldn't take my eyes off his hands, so large, so strong, so rough, a real man. Despite the face covering I could tell his beard was heavy but well groomed, I wasn't expecting that and was day dreaming whether he groomed as well everywhere else. His head hair was certainly trimmed tight. I said, 'Sorry what did you say?', he repeated himself. 'I know what I would like you to do' I said not quite realising I said it out loud and was still staring at his hands..
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